The Goodbye

 The Goodbye

The hardest part about travel is not long flights or  managing finances.

The hardest part, the worst part, the thing I dread…is saying goodbye.

People asked me when are you going next? I know the answer – when finances permit. Gutted, but with the understanding that living in Australia is what I need to do from an economy,financial and employment perspective. The USA is not a viable option,not in these times of instability. My loved one is supportive,but I think that deep down,  will always wish that it was different. We have plans for my loved one to move to Australia,but that is a way off,there’s much to be done before that is an option.

But what people don’t tend to ask is how I feel about leaving again. There’s a general assumption that going back  to Australia is exciting, all sunshine and kangaroos, beaches and barbecues. Because it’s what I want, I must be looking forward to it.

All of this is true.

But.

Leaving my loved one is devastating.

For me, leaving is the worst part about travel.

Travel is not without its compromises, and the biggest one of all is that I’ll never be that loved one– the one you see every day. And sometimes, that kills me. Of course I want to be that person, but the reality is that I’m cant be in this moment in time. I can’t be there in all the good and bad times, when I’m most needed.

I can’t be that person right now. Wanting to live in Australia, however, does not necessarily mean that I don’t want to be there, with my loved one.

This time, leaving is harder than it’s ever been. I ‘ve been in the States for almost 7 weeks.

In the days leading up to my flight, I have not been excited. I’ve been sort of shocked by the speed at which time has passed, actually, and felt like I ‘ve been robbed of time by the departure date. I know I have to say goodbye to my loved one, again. I

What can you say to someone when you love them and don’t know when you’ll see them again?

My loved one will take me to the airport . On the way we’ll eat at a restaurant and for a little while, I ‘ll able to pretend like this wasn’t it, the Big Goodbye, but I know that it will be. You can’t forget something like that no matter how you try.

Our final hugs will painful and upsetting, but necessary. I’ll cry on and off on the plane to Australia,like I did last time, realizing that it’s going to be like this for a while longer. I’ll be leaving and having to keep saying goodbye.

 It isn’t easy, leaving little parts of your heart , wishing things could somehow be different. Wishing that  being so far away didn’t mean sacrificing time with your loved one.

The sadness will fade into the background, and the stimulation of daily life will come forward, but my soul will always yearn to return to the one I love.

“Do the best you can with what you have.” So that’s what we’ll do. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be as close as we can get it.