Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection Sensitivity

The need to be accepted by others, to have a sense of belonging, is a
profound human motivation, one that is felt in some way from birth
throughout life. Our natural state is to live in communities. Belonging to
a community contributes to a sense of identity and purpose.

When someone is rejected by members of a desired group, anger, loneliness,
anxiety and depression often result. Rejection is not only painful but
rejection that happens early in life is thought to reduce the person’s
ability to cope with future relationships. When children are consistently
teased and left out, they are more likely to develop interpersonal
rejection sensitivity.

Interpersonal rejection sensitivity is a hyper-alertness to the social
reactions of others. When someone has rejection sensitivity, they anxiously
expect and rapidly perceive and overreact to rejection. Because of their
fears and expectations, individuals with rejection sensitivity may
misinterpret and distort the actions of others. They then react with hurt
and anger. The other person is confused, doesn’t understand, or sees the
rejection sensitive person as too high maintenance.

Individuals who are rejection sensitive often see rejection by others as a
statement that they are unacceptable as people. They see rejection as being
a judgment about their worth as a person. Unfortunately, having rejection
sensitivity can mean a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you are expecting
rejection it is difficult to be satisfied with or feel safe in
relationships, as you will see rejection frequently and often even when it
isn’t intended. When you aren’t feeling rejected, you are likely to be
expecting it.

Being in relationships requires acceptance of the other person’s faults.
For someone with rejection sensitivity, missteps of the other person are
likely to be seen as lack of caring or judgments. Even routine decisions,
likes and dislikes may be interpreted as rejection. If someone with
rejection sensitivity asks a friend to meet for coffee, a refusal may be
viewed as rejection. The friend may have a previous commitment or other
reason for saying no, but that is difficult for the person with rejection
sensitivity to believe.

By KARYN HALL, PHD