CALLING ON FRIENDS

CALLING ON FRIENDS

When we are going through a difficult time, we may hesitate to call even our best friends because we don’t want to burden them with our troubles. This can be especially true if we’ve been going through a series of challenges, and we’re starting to feel as if we sound like a broken record. It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it’s a good time for them before we start talking, and if it’s not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend. 

We know for ourselves that when we have a good friend, we don’t want them to suffer alone when we are just a phone call away. We want them to call us and share their sorrows with us, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about. It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying that we are a burden. If you are feeling self-conscious about having a tough time, you can bring this fact into the conversation by acknowledging it. Chances are your friend will reassure you that she is happy to be there for you. In fact, rather than feeling taxed, most of us feel better when we have helped a friend simply by listening empathically while they share their feelings.

Without our friends, we would be hard pressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when we include our friends in the full story of our life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—we build authentic relationships in which we can be who we truly are. When we do this, we invite our friends to bring their whole selves to the relationship as well.

Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection Sensitivity

The need to be accepted by others, to have a sense of belonging, is a
profound human motivation, one that is felt in some way from birth
throughout life. Our natural state is to live in communities. Belonging to
a community contributes to a sense of identity and purpose.

When someone is rejected by members of a desired group, anger, loneliness,
anxiety and depression often result. Rejection is not only painful but
rejection that happens early in life is thought to reduce the person’s
ability to cope with future relationships. When children are consistently
teased and left out, they are more likely to develop interpersonal
rejection sensitivity.

Interpersonal rejection sensitivity is a hyper-alertness to the social
reactions of others. When someone has rejection sensitivity, they anxiously
expect and rapidly perceive and overreact to rejection. Because of their
fears and expectations, individuals with rejection sensitivity may
misinterpret and distort the actions of others. They then react with hurt
and anger. The other person is confused, doesn’t understand, or sees the
rejection sensitive person as too high maintenance.

Individuals who are rejection sensitive often see rejection by others as a
statement that they are unacceptable as people. They see rejection as being
a judgment about their worth as a person. Unfortunately, having rejection
sensitivity can mean a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you are expecting
rejection it is difficult to be satisfied with or feel safe in
relationships, as you will see rejection frequently and often even when it
isn’t intended. When you aren’t feeling rejected, you are likely to be
expecting it.

Being in relationships requires acceptance of the other person’s faults.
For someone with rejection sensitivity, missteps of the other person are
likely to be seen as lack of caring or judgments. Even routine decisions,
likes and dislikes may be interpreted as rejection. If someone with
rejection sensitivity asks a friend to meet for coffee, a refusal may be
viewed as rejection. The friend may have a previous commitment or other
reason for saying no, but that is difficult for the person with rejection
sensitivity to believe.

By KARYN HALL, PHD

Reasons to Identify your values

                                            Reasons to Identify your values

                                                      

Living your life "in integrity" means that your words match your actions which match your beliefs. When you are living your life in harmony with your values, you naturally have more energy. Clarifying what really matters to you, knowing what you stand for, will set you free to live life to its fullest potential.

1. If you don't know who you are, you can't be true to yourself.

Sounds obvious, but many of us go through life without taking the time to identify what truly matters to us.

2. It makes decision-making easier.

When faced with a decision, look at your choices in light of your values. How does each choice support you in living your values? If both support your values, which value does it support? And which of those values is more important to you? Makes it easy, doesn't it?

3. It helps you identify people, situations and things that don't support those values.

Sometimes people, situations or things don't make us comfortable. Very  often, the negative emotions they evoke are caused by a value being threatened. Without understanding that, and without knowing which value they threaten, we use valuable energy defending or protecting ourselves. If you have a strong need to be true to yourself, look around. What situations evoke those feelings? In my experience, we only have a strong need to be true to ourselves when we're not being true to ourselves. The rest of the time, we just are.

4. It helps you identify people, situations and things you do want in your life.

Being clear about what your values are allows you to proactively seek the people, situations and things that support those values. That gives you the freedom to replace the items you identified in #3. It puts you in charge of your life.

5. It gives you an incredible sense of peace.

Clarifying your values and then living your life in harmony with those values provides you with an inner peace and tranquility that allows you to move confidently through life.

6. It allows you to stop reacting, and start responding.

Whether we've identified our values or not, we always know when we're not being true to ourselves. This often creates a vague sense of uneasiness and we react defensively. When we are clear about what our values are, we respond to such events with clarity and we do it quickly!

7. It's a great yardstick for creating goals [and it's easier to achieve goals that are based on values].

When a goal is in harmony with your values, the natural energy around it provides a momentum that allows you to take the necessary action "without effort".

8. It allows you to get rid of goals that aren't really yours.

Take a close look at the goals that have been around for a long time. You may find that they're really things you feel you "should" want. Let them go. The guilt associated with not working on these goals is wasting energy you could be using to achieve what you really want.

9. It allows you to be very clear about the standards you set for yourself.

Standards are behavior that we establish for ourselves. They are the expression of our values in every day life.

10. It allows you to be very clear about the boundaries you need to establish for others' behavior.

Boundaries are what other people cannot do to or around you. The behavior that is least acceptable to you is that which violates your values. Clarity around your values allows establishing and enforcing boundaries to be painless. You're not trying to change people, you're just clear about the behavior that's acceptable around you.

If you'd like an inventory (in PDF format) to help you identify your core values (and automatically sign up for my bi-weekly newsletter), please send a blank email to mailto:values@touchpointcoaching.com

(c) 2002, Louise Morganti Kaelin.

Faith

Faith

Today I contemplated what faith is and what faith means. To start with I decided to research a “dictionary” meaning…what does faith really mean?

“Faith is a belief, trust, or confidence, not based on logic, reason, or empirical data, but based fundamentally on volition often associated with a transpersonal relationship with God, a higher power, a person, elements of nature, and/or a perception of the human race as a whole. Faith can be placed in a person, inanimate object, state of affairs, proposition or body of propositions such as a religious creed.” Wikipedia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith

“belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.”  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/faith

 “confidence or trust in a person or thing”  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/faith

 “ complete confidence in a person or plan”  “loyalty or allegiance to a cause or a person”  http://www.onelook.com/?w=faith&ls=a

So faith is defined as a confidence or belief in something that is not always entirely tangible. Human beings on the whole require proof to believe so my next question is how does faith develop?

Faith develops after we acknowledge our belief/s, therefore if we believe in something we have confidence in it. I also believe in order to develop faith we need strength of convictions, to establish principles by which we live. Faith is closely associated with religion and there are multitudes of cases describing the effect of faith not only on the individual but on masses. Faith has lead people to make momentous sacrifices and to behave in ways which would not be normal for them but why?

Is it a reflection of inner selves which strive for something to believe in other then what we can see? Is it the need for us as a race to believe in more then what we experience?

Faith is one of the most important aspects of any religion or fundamental belief.  It is closely linked with spiritual experiences, however blind faith has its limitations and in this case could be termed non rational.

Historically, there are many cases of science discovering or proving theories which for so many years were objects of faith and belief. Is it necessary for the universe and all it contains to be empirically proven by science? Do we need solid proof to believe that something exists?

The answer is obviously no. Despite science developing at a great rate there are still many things we are yet to know or understand.

This leads me to contemplate what faith means to me…for me faith is not necessarily religion bound, but consists of a series of beliefs or ethics that I live by. Faith to me is a deep confidence and trust that what I believe in is true and right. It is the certainty that all I believe in exists in some dimension whether or not there is physical proof of existence. 

Distance can be an obstacle if you allow it.

Distance can be an obstacle if you allow it. 

Many people around the world connect on many levels everyday. What are the keys to maintaining successful relationships when the other person lives many miles away?

Firstly, it does not really matter as to the type of relationship as the keys to ensuring success remain the same.

The most important aspect is trust. Trust needs to be implicit. Trust must not waiver. Trust must be solid and firm and be reciprocated by both people. Trust goes hand in hand with honesty…without honesty there is no trust. Without trust the door opens for suspicion, paranoia, jealousy and misinterpretation of actions and words. Without question these will destroy any level of relationship, near or far.

Maintaining regular communication ensures both people feel a connectedness with each other. To hear their voice, see their face regularly provides the opportunity for closeness, even if it is not physically possible to hold, touch or hug the other person.

With the popularity of platforms such as Skype, technology has evolved to permit video conferencing and international calling for free or for nominal costs. Social platforms such as Facebook and Google + provide another medium for communication on a day to day basis when calling or video conferencing is not feasible. Continuing open lines of communication maintains open, honest and strengthens bonds between each person.

It’s not easy by any means to maintain closeness when one person lives so far away, but in today’s world we have the tools to enhance how we connect and the level we connect on. They do not replace being with the person you love, they do not replace the person’s presence in your everyday life nor does it provide the physical contact that, we as humans, crave. However, it is possible to maintain a strong and successful relationship when miles of separation exist and much times passes between meetings.

© 2013 J Picken

I Gotta A Life Or Do I?

I Gotta A Life Or Do I?

 © 2008 J Picken 

 Our world…full of war, hate, discrimination, health issues. Where are we heading, what will this world be like in 10 years, when will we wake up and smell the coffee? Justifications are all we hear. “We need this war”, say what? Who needs war? Have we lost the plot? So, we need to kill each other? I guess so, that’s what we’re told, so it must be true. Ah but you see, war runs deeper then the obvious justifications. 

Many high flaunting socialites, including those in the political realm, stand to gain significantly from the suffering of others during war. Oil…let’s get control of the oil, then we control the world’s primary fuel source and on top of that we can dictate what it costs. Too bad if people can’t live or, in the case, of war don’t live. Oh let’s go back to horses and carts, oh, no, wait…they’ll still find some method of control. Control is power, power is a valuable commodity. You see power gets you where you need to go, gets you what you want. Even power is an illusion, it only exists if others permit it to. Acknowledge that someone has power over you and they will have.

 It’s a bit harder when the power exists in organizations which are purportedly in place to lead or direct given societies or communities. Although, basically, we’ve given that power, the power to have power so to speak. Discrimination, racism, hate are excellent tools of manipulation. They cause segregation; they reduce the power of the people through dividing and conquering. Wow what a great divisional tactic, pit one part of society against another and hey, they won’t notice the important stuff. It’s really not difficult to achieve, we see it happen everyday on a smaller scale, just surf the net and see for yourself. Oh and take notice of the justifications, laughable at best. Sort of diminishes the whole concept of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, in fact, we’re encourage to do the complete opposite.

Personally, I don’t care if you’re black or white or pink with purple spots. Let’s gain a bit of common sense here, we are the same biologically, we all have blood, bones, brains. We are all human beings despite our origins, despite our appearances. Got to love the internet for meeting people, I do. You see these issues don’t tend to affect the relationships developed because you get to know the person for the person, not for what they look like, not for their race or origins. A shame society as a collective doesn’t take a hint from the internet. Oh and now let’s look at the world’s health issues. Health is very much put up for ransom. Hey, if you have the most money, you get the best health care. 

                                                                               
The world health organization gotta feel some sympathy for them, they mean well, but honestly there is very little equality of access to health care. I’m not talking about your average visit to your local general practitioner, but accessing services to either assist in preventing illness or those that could prevent further hospital admissions, not to mention access to appropriate medication. Oh and hell, some countries you’d be lucky to come out of the hospital alive, such is the substandard of clinical care offered. Make sure you say your prayers prior to admission, hope God is listening, hope you get answered prayer and actually survive the hospital ordeal. Even health care has become a commodity of financial gain, another way of controlling. So much for God determining who lives and dies, now that’s the job of those who hold the power. You know, there have been rumors around for years that there is actually a cure for cancer. Just think of the implications if, this is in fact, true.

 Pharmaceutical companies would lose billions of dollars, specialists would be unemployed. Well, there was a case a little while ago where a doctor had devised his own specific treatment for cancer, it involved utilizing special machinery. He had exceptional success, many were cured. Those that sing his praises wanted to announce to the general public about the miraculous cure. Sure they did, it hit the current affairs programs, also hit the government who launched a so-called investigation. Oh you can guess what happened next…yeah the doctor has branded a fraud, it was published that his treatment was fraudulent. It did not matter that many of his patients had been terminal and had been refused any further treatment by other doctors. Guess what, he saved them and despite their testimonials and medical evidence, our poor doctor was driven out of the medical profession and barred from discussing his treatment process. No for once not in the USA!

 So where will we be 10 years from now? Still killing each other, very sick and full of hate. Perhaps we all need to pray that the spiritualist community is correct, that 2012 will be the year the new earth appears, the year of change, the year of ascension. God knows we need saving from ourselves.